Recently I have been having some adventures in pretentiousness, and they are somewhat amusing as well as quite disgusting. I think the pretension level of the general population has risen in the past few years, probably because people found out that if nobody could understand what they were saying, they would be forced to think it was awesome in order to blend in. This has resulted in an explosion of the incorrect usage of words--on a sidenote, which is more pretentious, to use a sophisticated word, or to correct someone on the misuse of a sophisticated word?
Now being in college, I see more and more pretension in the forms of philosophy majors, non-philosophy majors who are taking one philosophy class, people desperate to find friends and think that being smart is a good way to go about that, etc. Note that in the title of this post I spelled behavior in the British way. This was on purpose, to prove some point that I have yet to think of.
Let me give you a glimpse into a recent day I had that will make you throw up in your mouth a little bit.
I am in the cafeteria, and I have just picked up my food. Nobody knows anyone yet, and I need somewhere to sit. Seeing somebody wearing an Arcade Fire shirt, I think "Well, at least there's a built-in topic of conversation", and I sit down next to said person and the group of people he was with. Ridiculousness follows:
ME: Hi, can I sit here?
BOY IN SHIRT: Sure, I guess.
ME: (silence as I listen to the conversation at the table)
BOY IN SHIRT: So, what about (insert old school video game here)? That was a great game...
GIRL WITH BLUE HAIR: Yeah, but (insert other video game) was so much better. Racing games don't get much better than that.
BOY IN SHIRT: Okay, so what if there was a racing game in which you were the steering wheel instead of the person behind it? And like, the controls just randomly changed?
BOY WITH GLASSES: Yeah, except you were in a dark box and you couldn't see anything and you couldn't get out...
ME: (thinking) What??
BOY IN SHIRT: It would be like, a metaphor for life...
ME: (very quietly) I think I just threw up in my mouth.
This conversation continues for some time in this manner. I am becoming desperate to change the subject or leave. In what was a huge mistake and something I hate myself for, I turned to music
ME: (turning to boy in shirt) So...did you know Arcade Fire is coming across the street from here next month?
BOY IN SHIRT: Yeah, I like Arcade Fire, but not as much as some other bands...I mean, they've totally sold out now.
ME: Um...okay. (wishing I had never brought up the subject)
BOY IN SHIRT: So what kind of music do you like?
ME: Um...I don't really know what it's called.
BOY IN SHIRT: What's your favorite band?
ME: Have you heard of Wolf Parade?
BOY IN SHIRT: Yeah, of course...(condescendingly) that's your favorite?
ME: No, actually there's this other band called Sunset Rubdown that's like...
BOY IN SHIRT: I haven't heard of that band.
ME: Okay...well...
BOY IN SHIRT: I guess I'd say the type of music you like is neo-psychedelic art rock...
At this point, I nodded, pretended to be done with my food, and left.
END SCENE
And here ends the story of how I re-learned two lessons that I had already known:
1) Never talk about music with people, especially if you don't know them.
2) Never, EVER say that you like neo-psychedelic art rock.
