The feeling of Senior Spring that was wonderful lasted about 10 minutes. Then I was bored.
It feels like that's how my life constantly is now. It fluctuates between being ridiculous and painful to entirely boring. Is this what we call a "sad truth"? Or is it just "the truth"?
The lyrics to a song that is not finished. I'm not sure where it is going, but I know that I kind of like the first line, therefore it has to go somewhere...Also, I have been informed by various people that this song sounds like it is referring to crystal meth, which I realize now is glaringly obvious, but I assure you, initially unintentional. I may change the name "Crystal" to make it not sound like that, but I kind of almost like the reference...
I’m riding the wave of the power lines
You’re walking beneath me, slow as time
Colorless, pale, absolute
There can be no reason, no reason at all
There can be no reason, no reason to fall
Beaks of birds move far too fast
Comprehension never lasts
Cleared away the thoughts of rest
Backing into the workday, the endless crest
Endless high
Endless high
Crystal I seek you, I seek you out
In the corner, breaking out
Gallant men, they said they were
Fools with crossbows, dead and hurt
Beaks of birds move far too fast
Comprehension never lasts
Cleared away the thoughts of rest
Backing into the workday, the endless crest
Endless high
Endless high
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Dream Post #2: Animals, Boy Bands, and Labyrinths
I'm not sure exactly where this dream began. I think it was when my family and I were sitting in the backyard. Suddenly, there was a deer standing in front of us. We were kind of baffled as to how the deer got into the backyard, since the fences were still up, when the deer was followed by another non-dangerous animal. I don't really remember what this animal was, only that it posed no immediate threat. We came to the conclusion that soon there would be dangerous animals in the backyard, so we all went inside and locked the door.
After locking the door, we realized that there was still a plate of food outside, which we had to recover if we didn't want more animals in the yard. I snuck (why does spellcheck tell me that snuck is not a word?) outside, and grabbed the plate of food. By the time I got back inside, there were so many animals outside that I could barely close the door without letting any of them inside.
A few minutes later, I looked back out the window, and all the animals were gone. Instead, there was a group of about five guys in blue suits walking towards us in slow motion--Backstreet Boys style. Only two of them were even remotely attractive. They continued to walk towards us in slow motion. At this point the sequence of events became a little unclear.
I think that somehow there was now a party happening in our backyard. My parents were still inside, but I was in the backyard with another friend of mine who looked like a mix between an Indian and an Asian person, except only one or the other. In other words, she was sometimes Indian looking, and sometimes Asian looking, but never both. She approached one of the attractive guys (the more attractive one), and started dancing with him. It wasn't any kind of dancing I've ever seen--it was like slow dancing, except grinding at the same time. What? Anyways, in this dream I was a lot more attractive than I am in real life. The other attractive guy approached me and told me I was very attractive (good God, I'm insecure even in my dreams), and started dancing with me in the same strange manner.
We had been dancing for some time when we came over next to my friend and Attractive Guy #1 (AG1), and suddenly AG1 stopped dancing with my friend and grabbed me away from AG2. AG1 kind of looked like Bradley James, and I remember thinking that I should tell 'Do about dancing with someone who looked like Bradley James. AG1 and I danced for a while, and then the music stopped playing. During the course of dancing, I remember wondering whether my parents were finding it weird or inappropriate that I was dancing in a strange, almost-grinding way. They apparently didn't, and promptly disappeared for the rest of the dream.
It began to get dark, and we all sat in a circle on the lawn and started playing a game that we once played in Drama class in which you have to go around the circle tapping your hand once except your hands are linked with other peoples' hands. It's confusing. Anyways, we played this for a while. I was sitting next to AG1, and after a while he started kissing me (are you seeing a pattern in my dreams? Good job, you now know how desperate I am). Then I said I had to go, and they told me they were having another party later on.
I went into my house, which now resembled an office building. The walls were all white, and all the hallways looked the same. It was kind of like being in a maze, except I didn't ever feel panicked. All I remember is thinking that I had to find my way to the party that was happening later on, and asking random people in cubicles that I saw along the way where the party was. I wandered around for a while, and then fell asleep in one of the corridors. The moment when I fell asleep in the dream was the moment when I woke up in the real world.
After locking the door, we realized that there was still a plate of food outside, which we had to recover if we didn't want more animals in the yard. I snuck (why does spellcheck tell me that snuck is not a word?) outside, and grabbed the plate of food. By the time I got back inside, there were so many animals outside that I could barely close the door without letting any of them inside.
A few minutes later, I looked back out the window, and all the animals were gone. Instead, there was a group of about five guys in blue suits walking towards us in slow motion--Backstreet Boys style. Only two of them were even remotely attractive. They continued to walk towards us in slow motion. At this point the sequence of events became a little unclear.
I think that somehow there was now a party happening in our backyard. My parents were still inside, but I was in the backyard with another friend of mine who looked like a mix between an Indian and an Asian person, except only one or the other. In other words, she was sometimes Indian looking, and sometimes Asian looking, but never both. She approached one of the attractive guys (the more attractive one), and started dancing with him. It wasn't any kind of dancing I've ever seen--it was like slow dancing, except grinding at the same time. What? Anyways, in this dream I was a lot more attractive than I am in real life. The other attractive guy approached me and told me I was very attractive (good God, I'm insecure even in my dreams), and started dancing with me in the same strange manner.
We had been dancing for some time when we came over next to my friend and Attractive Guy #1 (AG1), and suddenly AG1 stopped dancing with my friend and grabbed me away from AG2. AG1 kind of looked like Bradley James, and I remember thinking that I should tell 'Do about dancing with someone who looked like Bradley James. AG1 and I danced for a while, and then the music stopped playing. During the course of dancing, I remember wondering whether my parents were finding it weird or inappropriate that I was dancing in a strange, almost-grinding way. They apparently didn't, and promptly disappeared for the rest of the dream.
It began to get dark, and we all sat in a circle on the lawn and started playing a game that we once played in Drama class in which you have to go around the circle tapping your hand once except your hands are linked with other peoples' hands. It's confusing. Anyways, we played this for a while. I was sitting next to AG1, and after a while he started kissing me (are you seeing a pattern in my dreams? Good job, you now know how desperate I am). Then I said I had to go, and they told me they were having another party later on.
I went into my house, which now resembled an office building. The walls were all white, and all the hallways looked the same. It was kind of like being in a maze, except I didn't ever feel panicked. All I remember is thinking that I had to find my way to the party that was happening later on, and asking random people in cubicles that I saw along the way where the party was. I wandered around for a while, and then fell asleep in one of the corridors. The moment when I fell asleep in the dream was the moment when I woke up in the real world.
Monday, January 04, 2010
The Way I Am
You all know me far better than I'd like to admit, and it's no secret that I'm not a very secretive person about my life. Okay, maybe it was, but it isn't any more. See?
However, I have changed quite a bit recently. It's pretty incredible the way stress affects people. I've already posted on the different ways I hate people, so I won't do that again. I thought about posting all the ways that people annoy me, but I realized that would end up being offensive and hurtful, and generally lose me a lot of friends. So instead, you get a collection of words that detail the ways in which I'm a bit obnoxious.
I'm really ready for college. I mean, sure, I'll miss my friends, and don't get me wrong, you guys are great in many different ways. I'll leave out the part where some of you are not so great in many different ways, because I'm attempting to be sentimental right now. But really, I'm ready for new friends. I'm ready for a new start. This isn't going to be as difficult for me as I thought it would. There are a few (two or three, at the most) people whom I will pine for every day of my existence, but I can deal with it. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not really going to miss a whole lot about high school at all. Well, no, actually it isn't that hard for me to admit at all. It's just the truth.
I get attached to people really easily. Not just people, I get attached to almost anything really easily. But I also don't find it very difficult to break off connections. I'm going to warn everyone about this right now, so that you aren't offended later, but I'm absolutely crap at staying in touch. I'm not going to write you letters, I probably will only Facebook chat you very occasionally--and other than the people who I am extremely close to and have known for a long time, I probably will lose touch altogether. This is just a personality trait. Don't take it too personally. I'll probably cry at graduation. I'll probably be incredibly excited and happy the very next day.
I don't know exactly what the purpose of this post was, other than just to give you all a heads-up about a side of me you might not have seen coming (or maybe you have, in which case, kudos). Maybe I'm extremely selfish, as someone in my English class suggested, but really, I don't have that much of a problem with that. I'm okay with myself, finally, after all this time. I may not be confident about myself, but I've reached a point where my personality is something I can deal with, at the very least. Maybe that's awful--maybe you think I'm not really living. Well, truth is, I'm not really living. For a while now, and probably in the future, I'm just going to have to be content with getting by.
However, I have changed quite a bit recently. It's pretty incredible the way stress affects people. I've already posted on the different ways I hate people, so I won't do that again. I thought about posting all the ways that people annoy me, but I realized that would end up being offensive and hurtful, and generally lose me a lot of friends. So instead, you get a collection of words that detail the ways in which I'm a bit obnoxious.
I'm really ready for college. I mean, sure, I'll miss my friends, and don't get me wrong, you guys are great in many different ways. I'll leave out the part where some of you are not so great in many different ways, because I'm attempting to be sentimental right now. But really, I'm ready for new friends. I'm ready for a new start. This isn't going to be as difficult for me as I thought it would. There are a few (two or three, at the most) people whom I will pine for every day of my existence, but I can deal with it. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not really going to miss a whole lot about high school at all. Well, no, actually it isn't that hard for me to admit at all. It's just the truth.
I get attached to people really easily. Not just people, I get attached to almost anything really easily. But I also don't find it very difficult to break off connections. I'm going to warn everyone about this right now, so that you aren't offended later, but I'm absolutely crap at staying in touch. I'm not going to write you letters, I probably will only Facebook chat you very occasionally--and other than the people who I am extremely close to and have known for a long time, I probably will lose touch altogether. This is just a personality trait. Don't take it too personally. I'll probably cry at graduation. I'll probably be incredibly excited and happy the very next day.
I don't know exactly what the purpose of this post was, other than just to give you all a heads-up about a side of me you might not have seen coming (or maybe you have, in which case, kudos). Maybe I'm extremely selfish, as someone in my English class suggested, but really, I don't have that much of a problem with that. I'm okay with myself, finally, after all this time. I may not be confident about myself, but I've reached a point where my personality is something I can deal with, at the very least. Maybe that's awful--maybe you think I'm not really living. Well, truth is, I'm not really living. For a while now, and probably in the future, I'm just going to have to be content with getting by.
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