I've been very angry at everything lately, which is why I am giving you another rant instead of a poem, and so soon too.
It seems I have some sort of disease which renders me unable to finish things that I start. I will be doing my homework, for example, and suddenly I will just get bored and start surfing the internet and doing things that are a waste of time, like reading fanfiction, or taking online quizzes. It's not as if I don't know that these things are a waste of time, and yet I do them anyways. Who knows what is wrong with me.
The time when procrastination especially seems to take over my mind is during free periods. I will be determined and courageous the period before, and insist to myself that I shall do work in this period. I must not get distracted. This even continues in the first five minutes of my free, until I step inside the dreaded counseling center. This is where I catch a glimpse of the faces of my friends. And it is here that my plan falls apart.
Somehow I end up spending the free either listening to music, playing games, or doing absolutely nothing. And even though I know that they are important periods that could make my life less stressful, my brian doesn't process that information until it is too late.
Even now, when I am supposed to be studying for a history test, I am typing up this post instead.
So now I will attempt to study, and if I am unsuccesful...well, let's not think of that.
rapunzel.in.black
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Inspired by ranting...
So since all my friends are ranting on their blogs, I decided to do a little rant of my own. However, unlike them, I have no common train of thought, so this will probably go on about 300 tangents. Which is an amazing movie by the way (see? tangents already).
So first of all, I am starting to hate being female. Not that I would ever go and have like, a sex change or anything, but I was going shopping for a guy friend of mine the other day, and the clothes in the boys' department were really awesome. It made me really sad, because whenever I go shopping for myself, I can't find anything whatsoever that is not either skimpy as hell, or ugly as hell. Or just hell itself. And I found myself wishing that I could get away with wearing a t-shirt with a guitar on it and jeans/shorts EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE.
Speaking of which, why on earth do guys wear shorts on freezing days? Is it just to prove their manliness, or do they just really not feel cold?
My next topic is something that is extremely opinionated, but I'll try not to offend tooo many people. This is the issue of building an identity for yourself. In a way, I feel that everyone wants to fit under some sort of label, because otherwise you feel like a blob just wandering around randomly. I spent all of last year trying to make an identity for myself, and then I finally figured out why it didn't work as well as I thought.
The reason is that people just don't want to accept change. Ever. Never ever ever. Unless you have been doing something since the beginning of time, you cannot do it. In other words, you cannot decide to change your image out of the blue. You can't show up to school wearing all black if you haven't been doing that since forever. Therefore, although I tried so hard to have some sort of identity, it almost backfired and I ended up having to start over. From the beginning. With no groundwork laid out for me.
This has been very hard to do in the midst of my friends suddenly polarizing and deciding to split up into two groups that don't even talk to each other. Which is sad, because I love all my friends (okay, almost all of my friends), and so I now have to divide my time between two groups that refuse to be in the same room as each other.
Wow, I haven't ranted like that in a while. Maybe I'll have to do this more often, it is a good way to vent.
Now rapunzel has to go get an ice cream sandwich.
rapunzel.in.black
So first of all, I am starting to hate being female. Not that I would ever go and have like, a sex change or anything, but I was going shopping for a guy friend of mine the other day, and the clothes in the boys' department were really awesome. It made me really sad, because whenever I go shopping for myself, I can't find anything whatsoever that is not either skimpy as hell, or ugly as hell. Or just hell itself. And I found myself wishing that I could get away with wearing a t-shirt with a guitar on it and jeans/shorts EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE.
Speaking of which, why on earth do guys wear shorts on freezing days? Is it just to prove their manliness, or do they just really not feel cold?
My next topic is something that is extremely opinionated, but I'll try not to offend tooo many people. This is the issue of building an identity for yourself. In a way, I feel that everyone wants to fit under some sort of label, because otherwise you feel like a blob just wandering around randomly. I spent all of last year trying to make an identity for myself, and then I finally figured out why it didn't work as well as I thought.
The reason is that people just don't want to accept change. Ever. Never ever ever. Unless you have been doing something since the beginning of time, you cannot do it. In other words, you cannot decide to change your image out of the blue. You can't show up to school wearing all black if you haven't been doing that since forever. Therefore, although I tried so hard to have some sort of identity, it almost backfired and I ended up having to start over. From the beginning. With no groundwork laid out for me.
This has been very hard to do in the midst of my friends suddenly polarizing and deciding to split up into two groups that don't even talk to each other. Which is sad, because I love all my friends (okay, almost all of my friends), and so I now have to divide my time between two groups that refuse to be in the same room as each other.
Wow, I haven't ranted like that in a while. Maybe I'll have to do this more often, it is a good way to vent.
Now rapunzel has to go get an ice cream sandwich.
rapunzel.in.black
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Not quite a poem...
This isn't a poem, but I wrote it for fanfiction as a chapter of a story that pretty much was trying to say "I am putting this story on hiatus"...anyways, it turned out pretty interesting, so I decided to post it. Here ya go...
When there is nothing left of you, what can you do but break?
Nothingness is familiar, and darkness is your friend.
The absence of hope becomes something you know all too well, so why do I still feel so alone?
Loneliness creeps into my sanctuary, with white walls staring me in the face, unafraid to confront a creature so broken.
Stretched to breaking point, until the simple weave of skin can no longer hold you together, and snap, strand by strand.
Each time I slice into my arm it takes me to the brink of deliverance, and brings me back into this hell of a world.
Yet I keep doing it, just so I can feel so close, so damn close I can’t even stand it anymore.
What is pulling me back from going over the edge?
What is stopping me from ending it?
I can’t answer that question, I doubt there is anyone who can.
So I am stopping my story, until I can trust myself enough to continue.
P.S.
Ignore the last line, thats the "on hiatus"-ing part.
rapunzel.in.black
When there is nothing left of you, what can you do but break?
Nothingness is familiar, and darkness is your friend.
The absence of hope becomes something you know all too well, so why do I still feel so alone?
Loneliness creeps into my sanctuary, with white walls staring me in the face, unafraid to confront a creature so broken.
Stretched to breaking point, until the simple weave of skin can no longer hold you together, and snap, strand by strand.
Each time I slice into my arm it takes me to the brink of deliverance, and brings me back into this hell of a world.
Yet I keep doing it, just so I can feel so close, so damn close I can’t even stand it anymore.
What is pulling me back from going over the edge?
What is stopping me from ending it?
I can’t answer that question, I doubt there is anyone who can.
So I am stopping my story, until I can trust myself enough to continue.
P.S.
Ignore the last line, thats the "on hiatus"-ing part.
rapunzel.in.black
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Found - I wish...
For English, we had to write "found poems", which are poems written using words or lines from other pieces of writing. This one uses "Oedipus Rex", a play by Sophocles.
This punishment
The house of death
I have sinned against both
So vilely
Strangling my own life
The rankness of my guilt
Safe in dark agony
Cancerous
Within me
Hurl me into the sea
A tight cell of misery
I am sick
You, drinking my father’s blood
Beyond all recollection
Blank to light
And sound
rapunzel.in.black
This punishment
The house of death
I have sinned against both
So vilely
Strangling my own life
The rankness of my guilt
Safe in dark agony
Cancerous
Within me
Hurl me into the sea
A tight cell of misery
I am sick
You, drinking my father’s blood
Beyond all recollection
Blank to light
And sound
rapunzel.in.black
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Carelessness
I was very suddenly and randomly inspired, so I wrote this in like, 10 minutes, so it will probably end up being revised at least once...or twice...
Carelessness
Of the black bird
That delivered the deaths
Of me and my soul
The black bird forgets
To remember my pain
So it is still alive
Within the confines of my skin
And unrest takes over
Tormenting each day
And torturing the body
Until it is broken and gone
Restlessly turning
Under the ground
That traps me within
My prison of earth
The flowers are not daisies
That grow over me
They are dark stars
That won’t leave me at peace
Carelessness
Of the black bird
That delivered the deaths
Of me and my soul
The black bird forgets
To remember my pain
So it is still alive
Within the confines of my skin
And unrest takes over
Tormenting each day
And torturing the body
Until it is broken and gone
Restlessly turning
Under the ground
That traps me within
My prison of earth
The flowers are not daisies
That grow over me
They are dark stars
That won’t leave me at peace
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Doing some reflecting...
Well, I was going through some of my older posts on this blog today, and I realized just how much I have changed in the course of about 1 and a half years. It made me feel kind of bad about how happy and not-caring I used to be, as cliche as that sounds. So here is a poem in honor of how things change too fast...
November
The delicate sheen
Of thin coats of ice
A silvery petal on each
Of the roses
The pale light
From the November sun
Dances in reflections
Skating over the ice
Even the thorns
Glisten in the light
Misleadingly beckoning
To prick your finger
The roses must be cut
Severed from their source
To save them from
A withered fate
Save them from
Slowly turning black
And dying
Inch by inch
But it is hard to watch
As the ice melts away
And drips slowly down
The frail bouquet
And I almost think
I would prefer to see
A blackened, withered
Deadly rose
Than rip away
These few moments
Of precious time
In pale November light
rapunzel.in.black
November
The delicate sheen
Of thin coats of ice
A silvery petal on each
Of the roses
The pale light
From the November sun
Dances in reflections
Skating over the ice
Even the thorns
Glisten in the light
Misleadingly beckoning
To prick your finger
The roses must be cut
Severed from their source
To save them from
A withered fate
Save them from
Slowly turning black
And dying
Inch by inch
But it is hard to watch
As the ice melts away
And drips slowly down
The frail bouquet
And I almost think
I would prefer to see
A blackened, withered
Deadly rose
Than rip away
These few moments
Of precious time
In pale November light
rapunzel.in.black
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
10 Ways She's Gone
This isn't a poem, it's actually a drabble I wrote for fanfiction, but it turned out pretty good, so here you go...
10 Ways She's Gone
1
She doesn’t pay attention when people are talking anymore…blank stares are all it takes.
2
Teachers are starting to get irritated when they discover her staring out the window, oblivious to what is going on in class.
3
Her friends want to know what’s going on, but she hides from them, and always seems to be in another world.
4
She locks herself in the bathroom and loses herself, tearing her skin apart by running the blade slowly over it.
5
She disappears into the crowd, swathing herself in black, trying not to be seen.
6
Her hair hangs in a curtain over her face, black as night, hiding her from unwelcome stares.
7
When she sleeps, the look on her face is one of such pain that people wonder what nightmares she is having.
8
Day by day she loses friends, and day by day she loses herself.
9
She hung herself yesterday.
10
She was so far gone that it hardly made a difference.
If anyone is interested in reading my fanfiction, here is the link to my author's page...
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1135327/
10 Ways She's Gone
1
She doesn’t pay attention when people are talking anymore…blank stares are all it takes.
2
Teachers are starting to get irritated when they discover her staring out the window, oblivious to what is going on in class.
3
Her friends want to know what’s going on, but she hides from them, and always seems to be in another world.
4
She locks herself in the bathroom and loses herself, tearing her skin apart by running the blade slowly over it.
5
She disappears into the crowd, swathing herself in black, trying not to be seen.
6
Her hair hangs in a curtain over her face, black as night, hiding her from unwelcome stares.
7
When she sleeps, the look on her face is one of such pain that people wonder what nightmares she is having.
8
Day by day she loses friends, and day by day she loses herself.
9
She hung herself yesterday.
10
She was so far gone that it hardly made a difference.
If anyone is interested in reading my fanfiction, here is the link to my author's page...
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1135327/
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