Things that tick me off...

There are many things that really bug me, but I probably won't be able to remember them all right now. Here are a few though...

1. Every game we ever play in P.E. is totally male-dominated. For all you guys who say "I have passed to a girl before", all I have to say is "yeah...once." This is pathetic, because even if you are actually remotely good at a game, you never get a chance to prove your worth, because you never get passed to. Which brings up the subject of participation, and trying. Trying is actually graded upon in P.E., and girls are already at a disadvantage because they can't try if they don't get passed to. So pretty much what we end up doing is running up and down the field/court, continuously....and oh so hopelessly.

2. The whole "kicked in the balls" vs. "menstrual cramps" argument. Quite frankly, I don't care if getting kicked in the balls hurts more, or whether cramps hurts more. All I know is that neither gender knows the pain of the other, and neither should care. What should happen is that guys should appreciate that once a month, girls will be in a bad mood, and girls shouldn't kick guys in the balls. Unless the guy is trying to rape them or something.

3. Parental "talks". Seriously, wtf man. I talk to my parents every day, and it always somehow ends up being a discussion of values. That’s not what bugs me though. What bugs me is that now my parents want to have a “real” talk. Quite frankly, I’m pretty sure that every discussion we have ever had has not been a product of my imagination, and was pretty real as far as I am concerned. To me, what the word “real” means is something where we end up screaming at each other by the end of it. I’d prefer to avoid that for as long as possible.

4. Math tests. I swear to God, it’s not healthy to be that worried on a regular basis. Every ****ing time we have a math test, I end up spending the entire night before and the day up until the test totally breaking down every few minutes. It’s not only unhealthy, it also doesn’t help me whatsoever on the test, because I totally panic on every question. And fail. Why on earth did I take Intensive Geometry??

5. The Mile. Whoever invented this fitness test was obviously a sadistic little ****, because it is possibly the worst thing in the world. The feeling before of wishing you were really as sick as you feel just so you wouldn’t have to run, and the feeling afterwards that “oh, it wasn’t that bad” makes me want to kill something, preferably that person who invented the test.

6. Men in general. What the hell is wrong with guys, honestly? I can’t even put into words how I feel about this, so I’m just going to leave it at that.

7. Rap/Hip-hop. I’m sorry, this is not real music, and nothing will ever convince me that it is. I’ll grant that there are a couple of songs that I listen to in this genre, but this is only because they are immensely amusing. Like “Get Low”, or “Beep”. All other songs that fall under this category are ****. I’ll let you fill in those blanks with whatever you please.

8. People who use the word “gay” as an insult. IT IS NOT AN INSULT. I cannot emphasize this enough. There are actually people that are gay, and saying “that’s so gay” is exactly like saying something like “that’s so white” or “that’s so black. It is JUST AS OFFENSIVE. Also, saying things like “it doesn’t work because it’s gay”. Do you know what the word gay means? Don’t answer that, because if you are using it as an insult, obviously you don’t.

9. People who use the word "hella" where it shouldn't be used. Saying "that's so hella" does NOT MAKE SENSE. Get over it. You may use hella preceding an adjective, but not on its own. In other words, "thats hella wierd" makes senes, as opposed to "that's hella". I rest my case.

10. The word “wannabe”. Here, I will use one of my favorite quotes, the best part being that it was actually me who said it.
“Don’t call anyone a wannabe, because what’s wrong with wanting to be?” – me


Since 10 is a nice round number, I’ll leave it at that, even though there are a hundred more things I have to say. But I’ll reserve those for other times, and other rants. After all, I have to have something to write about on this blog, do I not?

My wonderful procrastination skills..

I've been very angry at everything lately, which is why I am giving you another rant instead of a poem, and so soon too.

It seems I have some sort of disease which renders me unable to finish things that I start. I will be doing my homework, for example, and suddenly I will just get bored and start surfing the internet and doing things that are a waste of time, like reading fanfiction, or taking online quizzes. It's not as if I don't know that these things are a waste of time, and yet I do them anyways. Who knows what is wrong with me.

The time when procrastination especially seems to take over my mind is during free periods. I will be determined and courageous the period before, and insist to myself that I shall do work in this period. I must not get distracted. This even continues in the first five minutes of my free, until I step inside the dreaded counseling center. This is where I catch a glimpse of the faces of my friends. And it is here that my plan falls apart.

Somehow I end up spending the free either listening to music, playing games, or doing absolutely nothing. And even though I know that they are important periods that could make my life less stressful, my brian doesn't process that information until it is too late.

Even now, when I am supposed to be studying for a history test, I am typing up this post instead.

So now I will attempt to study, and if I am unsuccesful...well, let's not think of that.

rapunzel.in.black

Inspired by ranting...

So since all my friends are ranting on their blogs, I decided to do a little rant of my own. However, unlike them, I have no common train of thought, so this will probably go on about 300 tangents. Which is an amazing movie by the way (see? tangents already).

So first of all, I am starting to hate being female. Not that I would ever go and have like, a sex change or anything, but I was going shopping for a guy friend of mine the other day, and the clothes in the boys' department were really awesome. It made me really sad, because whenever I go shopping for myself, I can't find anything whatsoever that is not either skimpy as hell, or ugly as hell. Or just hell itself. And I found myself wishing that I could get away with wearing a t-shirt with a guitar on it and jeans/shorts EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE.

Speaking of which, why on earth do guys wear shorts on freezing days? Is it just to prove their manliness, or do they just really not feel cold?

My next topic is something that is extremely opinionated, but I'll try not to offend tooo many people. This is the issue of building an identity for yourself. In a way, I feel that everyone wants to fit under some sort of label, because otherwise you feel like a blob just wandering around randomly. I spent all of last year trying to make an identity for myself, and then I finally figured out why it didn't work as well as I thought.

The reason is that people just don't want to accept change. Ever. Never ever ever. Unless you have been doing something since the beginning of time, you cannot do it. In other words, you cannot decide to change your image out of the blue. You can't show up to school wearing all black if you haven't been doing that since forever. Therefore, although I tried so hard to have some sort of identity, it almost backfired and I ended up having to start over. From the beginning. With no groundwork laid out for me.

This has been very hard to do in the midst of my friends suddenly polarizing and deciding to split up into two groups that don't even talk to each other. Which is sad, because I love all my friends (okay, almost all of my friends), and so I now have to divide my time between two groups that refuse to be in the same room as each other.


Wow, I haven't ranted like that in a while. Maybe I'll have to do this more often, it is a good way to vent.

Now rapunzel has to go get an ice cream sandwich.

rapunzel.in.black

Not quite a poem...

This isn't a poem, but I wrote it for fanfiction as a chapter of a story that pretty much was trying to say "I am putting this story on hiatus"...anyways, it turned out pretty interesting, so I decided to post it. Here ya go...

When there is nothing left of you, what can you do but break?

Nothingness is familiar, and darkness is your friend.

The absence of hope becomes something you know all too well, so why do I still feel so alone?

Loneliness creeps into my sanctuary, with white walls staring me in the face, unafraid to confront a creature so broken.

Stretched to breaking point, until the simple weave of skin can no longer hold you together, and snap, strand by strand.

Each time I slice into my arm it takes me to the brink of deliverance, and brings me back into this hell of a world.

Yet I keep doing it, just so I can feel so close, so damn close I can’t even stand it anymore.

What is pulling me back from going over the edge?

What is stopping me from ending it?

I can’t answer that question, I doubt there is anyone who can.

So I am stopping my story, until I can trust myself enough to continue.


P.S.
Ignore the last line, thats the "on hiatus"-ing part.

rapunzel.in.black

Found - I wish...

For English, we had to write "found poems", which are poems written using words or lines from other pieces of writing. This one uses "Oedipus Rex", a play by Sophocles.

This punishment
The house of death
I have sinned against both
So vilely
Strangling my own life
The rankness of my guilt
Safe in dark agony
Cancerous
Within me
Hurl me into the sea
A tight cell of misery
I am sick
You, drinking my father’s blood
Beyond all recollection
Blank to light
And sound

rapunzel.in.black

Carelessness

I was very suddenly and randomly inspired, so I wrote this in like, 10 minutes, so it will probably end up being revised at least once...or twice...

Carelessness
Of the black bird
That delivered the deaths
Of me and my soul

The black bird forgets
To remember my pain
So it is still alive
Within the confines of my skin

And unrest takes over
Tormenting each day
And torturing the body
Until it is broken and gone

Restlessly turning
Under the ground
That traps me within
My prison of earth

The flowers are not daisies
That grow over me
They are dark stars
That won’t leave me at peace

Doing some reflecting...

Well, I was going through some of my older posts on this blog today, and I realized just how much I have changed in the course of about 1 and a half years. It made me feel kind of bad about how happy and not-caring I used to be, as cliche as that sounds. So here is a poem in honor of how things change too fast...

November

The delicate sheen
Of thin coats of ice
A silvery petal on each
Of the roses

The pale light
From the November sun
Dances in reflections
Skating over the ice

Even the thorns
Glisten in the light
Misleadingly beckoning
To prick your finger

The roses must be cut
Severed from their source
To save them from
A withered fate

Save them from
Slowly turning black
And dying
Inch by inch

But it is hard to watch
As the ice melts away
And drips slowly down
The frail bouquet

And I almost think
I would prefer to see
A blackened, withered
Deadly rose

Than rip away
These few moments
Of precious time
In pale November light

rapunzel.in.black