sinsinsin

the seven sins are not really sins because all of them have happened to me and I am not a sinner
sin number one is greed and everyone has felt greedy sometimes because everyone really wants something, don’t they?
sin number two is pride and people feel proud of themselves and if they didn’t then life wouldn’t be worth whatever little it is
sin number three is gluttony and don’t tell me you’ve never indulged in anything cuz I know I have
sin number four is sloth and sometimes days are meant to be lazy because that’s just what you have to do
sin number five is envy and I know I’ve felt envy and I know you have too because it’s you I envy and maybe you envy me too
sin number six is wrath and wrath is a product of envy so I don’t have to explain because wrath is what I feel every day when you look at me
sin number seven is lust and lust is the most important for life because living is lusting and lusting is living and you may say lust isn’t love, but it is because love is lust
because love doesn’t exist but lust does

bursts of inspiration

Like everything I write, this was written in a sudden stream of words and about five minutes. But here it is anyways....

little words don’t mean a thing to me until they are all gone and the mouth that was saying them is dead dead dead
with a shot to their head
head
head
supposed to kill me but didn’t do it
probably finally fell in love even though love was impossible
and the cigarette smoke swirling up into the darkness seems like incense except it smells like shit and kills people
swearing doesn’t help anyone and its supposed to be bad but who decided that one word would be bad and another would be good
who decided that one person would be bad and another would be good
you can say god if you want but I stopped believing in that a long time ago and now I’m hoping there isn’t anything after this because I just want it to be over
over
over


A/N I know this probably doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but it's supposed to be kind of confusing, because that's what life is, confusing. Right?

rapunzel.in.black

Double Dose

Some more experimentation with my previous style here, and I give you, not one poem, but TWO!
They're pretty short though...

they taught her

they taught her everything she needed to know
from falling
to breaking
to smashing into pieces
but they forgot to tell her how to
put herself back together again
and now she’s at the bottom of a cliff and
she doesn’t know how to get back to the top
because her legs have collapsed from
the pressure of the fall
and her bones are broken into fragments
of hurt
and she feels like crying but she tells herself
to be strong because there are people who
suffer more than
she does


blinding (for lack of a better title)

the lights are blinding
with many sparkles of broken
fragments of shine
that seep into her closed
eyelids and then
she can’t get rid of the stupid
lights that keep coming back
and hurting her eyes
because they are too white
and they are too bright
but daylight never comes
so she is left in the darkness
with only the stupid bright
lights as her friends

EDIT: wow! I just realized after I posted that I hadn't actually finished the second poem. I'll leave it up so you can read what I have, but I'll repost it when it's actually finished. Sorry about that...

she smiles and

experimenting with a little different style here...

she smiles and

she smiles at him and
he turns around and
she blows him a kiss
and he ignores her

they finally talk and
she finds out that
he tried to kill
himself last year

she doesn’t know
why anybody would
do a thing like that
ever

he teaches her how
to forget about life
and think about things
that are beyond us

he teaches her how
to use pain as a
drug that doesn’t
cost shit

she understands
then why anyone
would not want
to live

and she realizes
that she never thought
about life in the way
it was meant to be thought
of

Things that tick me off...

There are many things that really bug me, but I probably won't be able to remember them all right now. Here are a few though...

1. Every game we ever play in P.E. is totally male-dominated. For all you guys who say "I have passed to a girl before", all I have to say is "yeah...once." This is pathetic, because even if you are actually remotely good at a game, you never get a chance to prove your worth, because you never get passed to. Which brings up the subject of participation, and trying. Trying is actually graded upon in P.E., and girls are already at a disadvantage because they can't try if they don't get passed to. So pretty much what we end up doing is running up and down the field/court, continuously....and oh so hopelessly.

2. The whole "kicked in the balls" vs. "menstrual cramps" argument. Quite frankly, I don't care if getting kicked in the balls hurts more, or whether cramps hurts more. All I know is that neither gender knows the pain of the other, and neither should care. What should happen is that guys should appreciate that once a month, girls will be in a bad mood, and girls shouldn't kick guys in the balls. Unless the guy is trying to rape them or something.

3. Parental "talks". Seriously, wtf man. I talk to my parents every day, and it always somehow ends up being a discussion of values. That’s not what bugs me though. What bugs me is that now my parents want to have a “real” talk. Quite frankly, I’m pretty sure that every discussion we have ever had has not been a product of my imagination, and was pretty real as far as I am concerned. To me, what the word “real” means is something where we end up screaming at each other by the end of it. I’d prefer to avoid that for as long as possible.

4. Math tests. I swear to God, it’s not healthy to be that worried on a regular basis. Every ****ing time we have a math test, I end up spending the entire night before and the day up until the test totally breaking down every few minutes. It’s not only unhealthy, it also doesn’t help me whatsoever on the test, because I totally panic on every question. And fail. Why on earth did I take Intensive Geometry??

5. The Mile. Whoever invented this fitness test was obviously a sadistic little ****, because it is possibly the worst thing in the world. The feeling before of wishing you were really as sick as you feel just so you wouldn’t have to run, and the feeling afterwards that “oh, it wasn’t that bad” makes me want to kill something, preferably that person who invented the test.

6. Men in general. What the hell is wrong with guys, honestly? I can’t even put into words how I feel about this, so I’m just going to leave it at that.

7. Rap/Hip-hop. I’m sorry, this is not real music, and nothing will ever convince me that it is. I’ll grant that there are a couple of songs that I listen to in this genre, but this is only because they are immensely amusing. Like “Get Low”, or “Beep”. All other songs that fall under this category are ****. I’ll let you fill in those blanks with whatever you please.

8. People who use the word “gay” as an insult. IT IS NOT AN INSULT. I cannot emphasize this enough. There are actually people that are gay, and saying “that’s so gay” is exactly like saying something like “that’s so white” or “that’s so black. It is JUST AS OFFENSIVE. Also, saying things like “it doesn’t work because it’s gay”. Do you know what the word gay means? Don’t answer that, because if you are using it as an insult, obviously you don’t.

9. People who use the word "hella" where it shouldn't be used. Saying "that's so hella" does NOT MAKE SENSE. Get over it. You may use hella preceding an adjective, but not on its own. In other words, "thats hella wierd" makes senes, as opposed to "that's hella". I rest my case.

10. The word “wannabe”. Here, I will use one of my favorite quotes, the best part being that it was actually me who said it.
“Don’t call anyone a wannabe, because what’s wrong with wanting to be?” – me


Since 10 is a nice round number, I’ll leave it at that, even though there are a hundred more things I have to say. But I’ll reserve those for other times, and other rants. After all, I have to have something to write about on this blog, do I not?

My wonderful procrastination skills..

I've been very angry at everything lately, which is why I am giving you another rant instead of a poem, and so soon too.

It seems I have some sort of disease which renders me unable to finish things that I start. I will be doing my homework, for example, and suddenly I will just get bored and start surfing the internet and doing things that are a waste of time, like reading fanfiction, or taking online quizzes. It's not as if I don't know that these things are a waste of time, and yet I do them anyways. Who knows what is wrong with me.

The time when procrastination especially seems to take over my mind is during free periods. I will be determined and courageous the period before, and insist to myself that I shall do work in this period. I must not get distracted. This even continues in the first five minutes of my free, until I step inside the dreaded counseling center. This is where I catch a glimpse of the faces of my friends. And it is here that my plan falls apart.

Somehow I end up spending the free either listening to music, playing games, or doing absolutely nothing. And even though I know that they are important periods that could make my life less stressful, my brian doesn't process that information until it is too late.

Even now, when I am supposed to be studying for a history test, I am typing up this post instead.

So now I will attempt to study, and if I am unsuccesful...well, let's not think of that.

rapunzel.in.black

Inspired by ranting...

So since all my friends are ranting on their blogs, I decided to do a little rant of my own. However, unlike them, I have no common train of thought, so this will probably go on about 300 tangents. Which is an amazing movie by the way (see? tangents already).

So first of all, I am starting to hate being female. Not that I would ever go and have like, a sex change or anything, but I was going shopping for a guy friend of mine the other day, and the clothes in the boys' department were really awesome. It made me really sad, because whenever I go shopping for myself, I can't find anything whatsoever that is not either skimpy as hell, or ugly as hell. Or just hell itself. And I found myself wishing that I could get away with wearing a t-shirt with a guitar on it and jeans/shorts EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE.

Speaking of which, why on earth do guys wear shorts on freezing days? Is it just to prove their manliness, or do they just really not feel cold?

My next topic is something that is extremely opinionated, but I'll try not to offend tooo many people. This is the issue of building an identity for yourself. In a way, I feel that everyone wants to fit under some sort of label, because otherwise you feel like a blob just wandering around randomly. I spent all of last year trying to make an identity for myself, and then I finally figured out why it didn't work as well as I thought.

The reason is that people just don't want to accept change. Ever. Never ever ever. Unless you have been doing something since the beginning of time, you cannot do it. In other words, you cannot decide to change your image out of the blue. You can't show up to school wearing all black if you haven't been doing that since forever. Therefore, although I tried so hard to have some sort of identity, it almost backfired and I ended up having to start over. From the beginning. With no groundwork laid out for me.

This has been very hard to do in the midst of my friends suddenly polarizing and deciding to split up into two groups that don't even talk to each other. Which is sad, because I love all my friends (okay, almost all of my friends), and so I now have to divide my time between two groups that refuse to be in the same room as each other.


Wow, I haven't ranted like that in a while. Maybe I'll have to do this more often, it is a good way to vent.

Now rapunzel has to go get an ice cream sandwich.

rapunzel.in.black