The Sad Truth

Well, while I'm in the phase of caving into peer pressure, I might as well continue the circles going around. So here is a response to Ahaneen's "In Which I Reveal I'm a Girl with Girly Thoughts", and also Tsubaki's "Muahahaha - BOOM!". I also, my dear friends, have guy problems, as unlikely as that seems (or as likely as it seems).

I have had a total of...*counts on fingers*...ONE boyfriend. Ever. Sure, I've had plenty of guys like me....like, three. But, it's obvious that I just don't have "what it takes". So what is "what it takes"? I don't know. However, like Ahaneen, I can make some fairly educated guesses. I don't completely agree with her "Sad Truth" list, mostly the part about being tall. As most of you know...I'm a midget. But, there is some truth in what she says.

For example, it seems that guys are most attracted to girls that are overly flirty. Proof of this: the one boyfriend I have ever had probably liked me because I had been jokingly hitting on him for the past year. He knew it was joking too, as did everyone around. Apparently it didn't make a difference. I'm not going to lie and say that I was trying to make a point by this "flirting", because I wasn't, and I was not secretly in love with him. I will admit that I probably was just surprised and thrilled that someone liked me when I said "yes" to his asking me out. Not that it matters, but that relationship lasted about 2 months, and in the end I broke up with him. Woohoo!
Not.

Also, I think that guys are somewhat scared by girls who willingly laugh at dirty jokes. I'm not innocent, never have been (ok, maybe I was once), and I'm not going to act like I am. I will laugh if you tell me a sex joke (admittedly, not if it isn't funny), and I won't act like an idiot and say "wait...what?". Because I do understand the joke, and I think gross things can be hilarious. Proof of this: the joke about the woman with the H on her chest. Also relating to this, I am somewhat intelligent, and also will not pretend that I'm not, because....that's just not me.

To add onto Ahaneen's list, although it doesn't really apply to her, I'm not white. I'm not even black. I'm not meaning to be racist here, but I'm definetely at some sort of disadvantage here because I don't look like everyone else. This can be an advantage in say...India, but I'm not in India, am I?

Also to add onto her list is girls who aren't "hot". I'm not going to say I'm ugly, because then I'll get comments like "no you're not you're gorgeous" (at least, I hope I would). But, I'm also not going to pretend that my cup size is DDDDDD (no, I will not tell you what it actually is). Which seems to be what guys are attracted to. At least, the guys I know.

Speaking of the guys I know, I must say that I'm not that disappointed that they are apparently afraid of me. Because, as Tsubaki says, the guys I know are complete idiots. So, the Sad Truth list is not so much of a problem right now. Maybe it will be later on in my life, when I am trying to find a partner (HA!). But, when that happens, I also have the alternate option of settling down with a chick. So everything works out.

In summary, here is the newly improved Sad Truth:

• Girls who are not overly flirty
• Girls who laugh openly at dirty jokes
• Girls who are intelligent/Girls who don't pretend not to be
• Girls who are not white/look like everyone else
• Girls whose cup size is not DDDDDD (I will still not tell you what it really is. Of course, if you are a girl and reading this blog, chances are you already know)
• Girls who are aware that the guys she knows are idiots

kthxbi

I have finally caved in...

It would seem the time has come...for another list. Yes, I have caved in to peer pressure, and I do know that this against my every moral. But here goes...

1. Physics labs. It's not like the teacher didn't watch us doing the lab, it's not like he doesn't KNOW what the result will be. And yet, we have to waste our time writing up a stupid lab just because...I don't know why! Maybe it's because my teacher needs reassurance that we care enough about his class to do it.

2. Mein Kampf. Hitler was a raving lunatic. 'Nuff said.

3. People who call me "emo". I know that many of the people reading this blog have done this before, so this should be clear enough. STOP. I don't care if I am emo, but I don't like hearing it every single day. Here is an example of what to avoid:

"Hey (insert name here)"

"Hey! Oh my god, are you writing another poem? While wearing black? You're so emo!"

4. Being bored. I absolutely dread and hate when the time comes and I have nothing left to do. Scratch that. I have plenty of things to do, but none of them are appealing in the slightest sense.

5. The popular people in my math class. I know that all the popular people in our school think that me and my group of friends are spazzy psycho-bitches. But quite frankly, from what I observe in my math class, most of them are just as spazzy as we are. Case in point: Adam, who spends the entire time trying to balance pencils on his nose.

6. Girls who are overly flirty. I'm not going to mention any names here, but I'm sure you all know who I'm talking about. Also, girls who act like idiots even though they know exactly what they are talking about. Again, no names mentioned...

7. How I can't find a single pair of jeans that are NOT "low-rise". I don't know about other people, but somehow, I don't find the prospect of mooning people every time I sit down very inviting.

8. Shopping. I know that I don't fit into stereotypes when I say this, but I HATE walking around a mall for two hours and not buying a SINGLE THING.

9. Random timings of rehearsals. I hate getting home at like, 9:30 after spending three hours at school for like, ONE line that I have. It's stupid.

10. MATH ESSAYS. Math is meant for MATH, meaning B.S.ing every proof you ever do. NOT for writing 3 page essays. There is nothing to WRITE ABOUT!!

And thus ends the list of awesomeness. As a shameless promotion, TAKE MY QUIZ ON FACEBOOK! Except nobody who reads this blog actually has facebook, so screw that.

sinsinsin

the seven sins are not really sins because all of them have happened to me and I am not a sinner
sin number one is greed and everyone has felt greedy sometimes because everyone really wants something, don’t they?
sin number two is pride and people feel proud of themselves and if they didn’t then life wouldn’t be worth whatever little it is
sin number three is gluttony and don’t tell me you’ve never indulged in anything cuz I know I have
sin number four is sloth and sometimes days are meant to be lazy because that’s just what you have to do
sin number five is envy and I know I’ve felt envy and I know you have too because it’s you I envy and maybe you envy me too
sin number six is wrath and wrath is a product of envy so I don’t have to explain because wrath is what I feel every day when you look at me
sin number seven is lust and lust is the most important for life because living is lusting and lusting is living and you may say lust isn’t love, but it is because love is lust
because love doesn’t exist but lust does

bursts of inspiration

Like everything I write, this was written in a sudden stream of words and about five minutes. But here it is anyways....

little words don’t mean a thing to me until they are all gone and the mouth that was saying them is dead dead dead
with a shot to their head
head
head
supposed to kill me but didn’t do it
probably finally fell in love even though love was impossible
and the cigarette smoke swirling up into the darkness seems like incense except it smells like shit and kills people
swearing doesn’t help anyone and its supposed to be bad but who decided that one word would be bad and another would be good
who decided that one person would be bad and another would be good
you can say god if you want but I stopped believing in that a long time ago and now I’m hoping there isn’t anything after this because I just want it to be over
over
over


A/N I know this probably doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but it's supposed to be kind of confusing, because that's what life is, confusing. Right?

rapunzel.in.black

Double Dose

Some more experimentation with my previous style here, and I give you, not one poem, but TWO!
They're pretty short though...

they taught her

they taught her everything she needed to know
from falling
to breaking
to smashing into pieces
but they forgot to tell her how to
put herself back together again
and now she’s at the bottom of a cliff and
she doesn’t know how to get back to the top
because her legs have collapsed from
the pressure of the fall
and her bones are broken into fragments
of hurt
and she feels like crying but she tells herself
to be strong because there are people who
suffer more than
she does


blinding (for lack of a better title)

the lights are blinding
with many sparkles of broken
fragments of shine
that seep into her closed
eyelids and then
she can’t get rid of the stupid
lights that keep coming back
and hurting her eyes
because they are too white
and they are too bright
but daylight never comes
so she is left in the darkness
with only the stupid bright
lights as her friends

EDIT: wow! I just realized after I posted that I hadn't actually finished the second poem. I'll leave it up so you can read what I have, but I'll repost it when it's actually finished. Sorry about that...

she smiles and

experimenting with a little different style here...

she smiles and

she smiles at him and
he turns around and
she blows him a kiss
and he ignores her

they finally talk and
she finds out that
he tried to kill
himself last year

she doesn’t know
why anybody would
do a thing like that
ever

he teaches her how
to forget about life
and think about things
that are beyond us

he teaches her how
to use pain as a
drug that doesn’t
cost shit

she understands
then why anyone
would not want
to live

and she realizes
that she never thought
about life in the way
it was meant to be thought
of

Things that tick me off...

There are many things that really bug me, but I probably won't be able to remember them all right now. Here are a few though...

1. Every game we ever play in P.E. is totally male-dominated. For all you guys who say "I have passed to a girl before", all I have to say is "yeah...once." This is pathetic, because even if you are actually remotely good at a game, you never get a chance to prove your worth, because you never get passed to. Which brings up the subject of participation, and trying. Trying is actually graded upon in P.E., and girls are already at a disadvantage because they can't try if they don't get passed to. So pretty much what we end up doing is running up and down the field/court, continuously....and oh so hopelessly.

2. The whole "kicked in the balls" vs. "menstrual cramps" argument. Quite frankly, I don't care if getting kicked in the balls hurts more, or whether cramps hurts more. All I know is that neither gender knows the pain of the other, and neither should care. What should happen is that guys should appreciate that once a month, girls will be in a bad mood, and girls shouldn't kick guys in the balls. Unless the guy is trying to rape them or something.

3. Parental "talks". Seriously, wtf man. I talk to my parents every day, and it always somehow ends up being a discussion of values. That’s not what bugs me though. What bugs me is that now my parents want to have a “real” talk. Quite frankly, I’m pretty sure that every discussion we have ever had has not been a product of my imagination, and was pretty real as far as I am concerned. To me, what the word “real” means is something where we end up screaming at each other by the end of it. I’d prefer to avoid that for as long as possible.

4. Math tests. I swear to God, it’s not healthy to be that worried on a regular basis. Every ****ing time we have a math test, I end up spending the entire night before and the day up until the test totally breaking down every few minutes. It’s not only unhealthy, it also doesn’t help me whatsoever on the test, because I totally panic on every question. And fail. Why on earth did I take Intensive Geometry??

5. The Mile. Whoever invented this fitness test was obviously a sadistic little ****, because it is possibly the worst thing in the world. The feeling before of wishing you were really as sick as you feel just so you wouldn’t have to run, and the feeling afterwards that “oh, it wasn’t that bad” makes me want to kill something, preferably that person who invented the test.

6. Men in general. What the hell is wrong with guys, honestly? I can’t even put into words how I feel about this, so I’m just going to leave it at that.

7. Rap/Hip-hop. I’m sorry, this is not real music, and nothing will ever convince me that it is. I’ll grant that there are a couple of songs that I listen to in this genre, but this is only because they are immensely amusing. Like “Get Low”, or “Beep”. All other songs that fall under this category are ****. I’ll let you fill in those blanks with whatever you please.

8. People who use the word “gay” as an insult. IT IS NOT AN INSULT. I cannot emphasize this enough. There are actually people that are gay, and saying “that’s so gay” is exactly like saying something like “that’s so white” or “that’s so black. It is JUST AS OFFENSIVE. Also, saying things like “it doesn’t work because it’s gay”. Do you know what the word gay means? Don’t answer that, because if you are using it as an insult, obviously you don’t.

9. People who use the word "hella" where it shouldn't be used. Saying "that's so hella" does NOT MAKE SENSE. Get over it. You may use hella preceding an adjective, but not on its own. In other words, "thats hella wierd" makes senes, as opposed to "that's hella". I rest my case.

10. The word “wannabe”. Here, I will use one of my favorite quotes, the best part being that it was actually me who said it.
“Don’t call anyone a wannabe, because what’s wrong with wanting to be?” – me


Since 10 is a nice round number, I’ll leave it at that, even though there are a hundred more things I have to say. But I’ll reserve those for other times, and other rants. After all, I have to have something to write about on this blog, do I not?